The Trump Administration Playbook
(aka Kellyanne’s 17 lessons for Sister Sarah)
1 – The Denial
“It did not happen, it’s all fake news
The main stream media – we accuse
You are making up a bunch of lies
How dare you report upon the size
Of hands and crowds far bigger than
Those seen before by any man
2 – The Minimalisation
So now you’ve given all that proof
Let me improve upon the truth
The fact he did it matters not
Because there’s something you forgot
For though collusion might be real
It’s really not much of a deal
3 – The deflection
Besides which – another thing
It does not count when it’s a sting
Spying surely is as much a crime
It’s not? Well listen, give me time
To mess within your cranium
By mentioning Uranium
4 – A bit more deflection with a side order of scapegoating
Clinton and Obama are to blame
And anyone who has a name
Like Jorge, or Juan from Mexico
How’s that for a curveball throw?
And why is it that no one talks about
The stories that we want to tout
5 – It’s not a crime ( and what about….)
In any case it’s not a crime
Collusion happens all the time
And what about the FBI
Don’t you see just how they pry?
They spied on us – that’s just not fair
That’s what should make you really care
6 – ok it might be a crime but back to point 1 – the denial
If it’s a crime, oh very well
But it was just Flynn – his private hell
And Papadopoulos and Manafort
Yes I think they probably are the sort
And Gate’s may also freedom lose
But, we’re telling you IT’S STILL FAKE NEWS
7 – he’s the President (aka the constitutional argument)
And when all is said and all is done
He’s President, Head Honcho, Number 1
He can do whatever he wants
Tweet in CAPSLOCK his awful taunts
“Is that really all you’ve got?
I’m the President – so what?”
8 – The legal argument
Is it really such a crime
To tell a fib from time to time
For if you make up some excuse
You can deny sexual abuse …
Obstruction, treason and on occasion …
Money laundering and tax evasion
9 – A bit more deflection – with a side order of racism
And what about those Lilly white
The KKK and the Alt-Right
Are they not also people fine?
Marching with torches in a line
And though I’m Orange it is true
At least I’m not of darkened hue
10 – In Desperation – try to discredit the law enforcement agencies
And what about that man Robert Mueller
He really could not be any crueler
But now I have an ace to play
For Devin Nunes wants to say
Look everyone I now will demo
How to declassify a memo
11 – Run For It
If the slanted communique
Fails for us to save the day
Then we’re so rich that we’ll make bail
To stop us languishing in jail
We’ll fly away on Air Force one
And tweet from Moscow when we’re done
12 – The Nuclear Option
And if Moscow somehow we can’t make
There’s one last option we can take
Russian roulette with Kim Jong Un
And hope his tiny little gun
Can convince those who hate us
To forget about Bob Mueller’s fuss
13 – The backup plan (part 1 Backtracking)
And when the walls are closing in
With escape routes looking very thin
There is another Trumpite Hack
Reverse direction and backtrack
The policy of yesterday
Did not occur, we’re here today
14 – The backup plan (part 2 Lawyer up)
Then what you do is change your staff
Wave sad farewells, then cheer and laugh
Then get a few more attorneys
On life support, prostrate on gurneys
And let your lawyers lawyer up too
One each for them and ten for you
15 – The backup plan (part3 Attack Attack Attack – Turn the tables)
And though moral fibre we may lack
We go in hard – attack attack
By giving minorities their labels
We can surely turn the tables
For when they find out what we do
We’ll simply say “No that was you”
16 – The backup plan (part 4 The contradiction)
The last part of the back up plan
Is doing everything we can
By first making bizarre prediction
Then rolling back in contradiction
The Hail Mary (or the Fool me granny)
It’s time to call up Giuliani
17 – And one other thing – The Final Solution
And when all else is said and done
We’ve had a very decent run
At causing mayhem, dissolution
But there is one last solution
Finish the game, play our last card on
More lies and Presidential pardon