Trumpenstein’s Monster (aka The Making of John Bolton) – Fully Extended Version – With extra Verses!
He worked through the day and the night
To find the man who would be right
For National Security
He needed complete surety
But alas there was no-one in sight
Then he thought “wait, I know construction!
And with some spare parts (and abduction)
I’ll make one who distracts
With illegal war acts
So I can be cleared of obstruction”
His creation (a Bolton) his neck
Was secured to keep his head in check
Then with buckles and belts
Binding old human pelts
The creature sat up and said “Heck!”
But Trump soothed the beast saying “don’t fret
I have not finished with you quite yet
Although some bits are missing
(Like the part that’s for p*ssing)
Look I’ve got one right here, though it’s wet”
So then Trumpenstein quickly started to fashion
A system of pulleys to help him to lash on
The assembly stage by stage
Strapping on the appendage
Saying “It will help first to get this moustache on
For it will give me somewhere to grip
While I ram this thing into your hip”
Then Bolton said “to adhere
You can grab onto each ear
I can bear it, I’ll just bite my lip”
Then with surgical keyhole precision
Trumpenstein made his final incision
And as he entered the beast
Then came with passion released
His shuddering climactic decision
For Bolton, he was surely the man
Who would do everything that he can
To keep Trump satisfied
With him deeply inside
Consummately fulfilling his plan
But suddenly as the monster came to
Fully aroused for the first time, he knew
Exactly what it meant
To become sentient
With a sensation, that inside him grew
Bolton, it seemed, he had his own mind
As his master was quite shocked to find
His apparatus unique
Was tangled around his freak
So Trumpenstein was caught in a bind
This consciousness with passion endowed
Raging wildly, could not be allowed
His dream, his creation
An abomination
He pitied his beast, no longer proud
For Trumpenstein now sadly knew
That the only thing he could do
With Bolton was lock it
Up fast and then shock it
By putting ten thousand volts through
But the monster, he could not be defeated
It would write a memoir, that though conceited,
Would surely tell all
About Trumpenstein’s ball
And at it’s climax how Trumpenstein tweeted
Thanks again to Double Don Tinder (of Double Don Tinder’s Double Entendres) for supplying the double entendres.