No, Charge! By Canny win Yet (Especially if he bottles it and doesn’t stand)
A little Candidate came into my Brexit party HQ this evenin’,
While I was fixin’ cuppa (gin),
And he handed me an invoice, I’d sent that he’d been tearin’ up,
And after wringin’ my hands with frustration,
I read what was left of it, and this is what it said:
For your Brexit membership – 25 pounds,
And for writin’ my own speech this week – 2000 pounds,
For my EU salary and expenses 500,000 pounds
An’ for playin’ little Hitler, while your just in time business is stuck at the border- 60,000 pounds
Takin’ us out of the EU on WTO rules – 10 Billion a month,
For gettin’ a good report from Donald Trump – 50,000 dollars,
And for rakin’ in all that money and sticking it offshore 6 million pounds,
Total owed – 350 billion in Euro bonds.
Well, I looked at him standin’ there wanting a refund,
Of the candidate’s fee that he’d paid
So I sharpening my pencil, turnin’ that torn invoice over,
This is what I wrote:
For the nine months I lied to you,
Sowin’ divisions inside you – NO CHARGE,
For the nights I’ve propagandised you,
Doctored facts, prayed on you – NO CHARGE,
For being bellicose
And for thumbing my nose, there’s NO CHARGE,
When you sum it up.
The full cost of Michael Gove is NO CHARGE.
Well, when he finished readin’,
He had a big old fear in his eyes,
And he looked up at me and said,
“Nigel, I sure do love you.”
Then I took back control,
And in CAPSLOCK letters,
I wrote: “PAY YOU FOOL.”
Cos when you add it all up,
Candidate’s fees are non-refundable,
And the cost of a “Clean Break Brexit” is – “OH NO, FARAGE!”