The Jacob Shite Rebellion (aka The Johnson Uprising – Another Weak and Unstable Cock-Up)
There once was a Jacob Ree-Moggy
Drank Dom Perignon and got groggy
He backed leave for a prank
Though his mind was a blank
And on detail a little bit foggy
Then he thought that he could hobble May
In a wibbly-wobbly way
But though she wasn’t stable
Still he wasn’t able
To topple her, to his dismay
But then in May, May she was ousted
As the ERG cruelly they jousted
Mogg thought himself chivalrous
But it is not frivolous
To start a stampede in a cow shed*
In a moment, you’ll get the joke too
Think about it, a minute “the noo”
Because I am a Scot
And my verse, it is brought
To you, to report, on the Coup* …
Of Jacob Rees-Mogg and his buddies
A regiment of fuddy duddies
In tweed, guns half-cocked
As like vultures they flocked
With faces all reddened and ruddy
To surround their poor quarry T. May
Who said that there may be a delay
While they find a success-
or – a failure (to express)
The sentiment of every Tory
But somehow May stayed until July
So more time could be wasted, why?
Well they had to ask
“Who is up to the task”
And pose questions like “do you lie?”
For the most important attribute
For Conservatives is knowing to shoot
Not entirely too straight
For that isn’t a trait
They regard as especially astute
*Coup! “Coo” geddit! – As in “a right wing military coup” (or an “Aberdeen Angus” playing number 7 for the army football team (that’s a highland coup by the way).